loose ends.

8 Oct

Around the time I gave up Facebook, things got a little crazy.  That’s not what this is about.  What this is about is typing up the loose ends.  There are a few subjects that I wrote about the week of and then never followed up on.  So, without further adieu…

Quitting Facebook: I thought that quitting Facebook would be difficult.  Not because I’m hooked on technology, but because I’m all about people and Facebook is a way of keeping up with said people.  I’m probably the only person that actually looks at all of the pictures from your trip to Spain last month.  I want to know what’s going on in your life and unlike the majority of Facebook-ers who are passively perusing your Facebook pages because it’s easier than verbal communication, for me it’s just more fuel for the face-to-face conversations.  So what I missed, if I missed anything, was knowing the little details people put up on their Facebooks.  But when it was all said and done– I didn’t miss it.

Sex Offender: Following writing a letter to a registered sex offender (here and here and here), I wanted more.  I contacted OASIS, the organization that I originally spoke to about sexual assault.  They have a 24-hour crisis line that they use volunteers for.  Anyone can call in– victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, children, people with questions, friend and family of people affected by any of these issues… etc.  OASIS was having a weekend-long session, teaching people about sexual assault and domestic violence and how to effectively handle situations that deal with both.

It was HEAVY.

Something that still weighs on my heart is the lack of support out there for people that struggle with those urges/act on them.  There are resources, websites, shelters, support groups…  all available for the victims/survivors.  But for those people that struggle with those thoughts and those urges and who eventually act on them and even for the people that don’t act on them…  there’s nothing.  There’s NOTHING.

That bothers me.

We have books for people that are bad with money or who covet it.  Therapists for people who don’t love themselves/make themselves throw up/don’t let themselves eat/cut their arms with razors.  Substance abuse problems?– there are programs specifically for you.  Into porn?– that one’s a popular outreach these days.  Prone to punching your wife?  Into the thrill you feel when she says no?…  sorry.  Nothing we can do.

That bothers me.

Why do Christians pick and choose who deserves our love?  our help?  our forgiveness?  our Lord?

(More on this later, maybe.)

Death Row: I wrote a letter to a woman on death row.  It was different from the letter I wrote to a registered sex offender, because there was no hiding the fact that I knew what she had done.  She knew why I was writing her.  I was writing her a letter in prison, after all.  It was also different, in that it wasn’t anonymous.  Part of the reason my letter to the sex offender was anonymous were for the obvious precautionary reasons.  But more than that, I didn’t want it to be a source of anything but encouragement.  I didn’t know what this particular person’s hangups were, what they struggle with, what a letter of encouragement from a woman [their age that they could easily see a picture of on Facebook] would do.  I wanted this letter to be different.  I wanted to be a name; to be a specific person that cares about this particular woman.

I wrote a letter to a woman that I was able to Google and, with a few clicks, learn the details of her story.  Convicted of a crime she committed when she was too young to drink, this woman succumbed to the pressures of finding something to belong to and killed two people in a gang-initiation.  My heart broke for her because I can relate to those feelings.  Oh, can I relate to those feelings.  I can understand that pressure.  I can understand wanting to belong.

Fear often drives us to act out of desperation.*

I haven’t heard back from her yet.  I don’t know if I will.  I think I may, but it’s already been several weeks.  Even if I don’t, the letter I wrote her could not have been much more divinely-inspired than it was.  I don’t need a response to know that it contained the words God wanted  her to hear.

*It’s an easy response to say that a lot of trouble would be saved if we would just find ourselves in God.  Sometimes** the easy responses are the correct responses.

**More on how most responses come too easily for me later.


7 Responses to “loose ends.”

  1. Adam 07.16.2010 at 1:20 am #

    Well I can’t say I agree with all points touched upon, I do applaud you for actions taken. Too often things/people are discarded by peers and society alike. Left to fend for themselves. But an injury left untreated will likely continue to get worse.

    Also, your writing has come a long way since the MJS opinion submission. Applause for that too!

  2. Adam 07.16.2010 at 1:31 am #

    You know I have personal issues with Christianity and/or God in general. And until I sort them out (if at all) I will praise those who do good, not the higher power they do it for.

    I realize I may not be correct in this thinking, but it’s an opinion I’m entitled to have.

    • sarahhuttner 07.16.2010 at 1:35 am #

      I’ve always really appreciated your opinions.

      By the way, you still owe me ten minutes. With interest we’re up to fifteen.

  3. djmase 07.16.2010 at 2:20 pm #

    This piece is really tasty. After considering the post I had to review the comments; dessert is so choice.

    The discussion was perhaps more interesting than the blog, sorry S. This concept of praise for the person in place of “a higher power”…something in that struck me. I know we seek self-glorification, we are gross humans who cut and steal to glorify our needs. Yet S’s proposition, by its very nature, actually makes me think that she IS living for something beyond herself. Aside from a pat on the back or a fuzzy feeling she may get for ‘being nice’ there is not much other rational for going through the work and hurt involved for so a little glory. Frankly, there are many easier ways to glorify one’s self.
    Her approach causes me to wonder…maybe, just maybe there is some ‘bigger reason’ that she seeks to glorify through her body.


  4. ts 07.16.2010 at 3:37 pm #

    Oh man, did you two have a Bible study together at some point this summer?


    I read this blog and followed it up with this message (above), and they could not have gone more hand in hand with one another. In the story of the prodigal son I am all too often the older brother, even when I have in the past been just like the prodigal son myself. Wake up call, I need to strive hard to become more like the Father, more like God the Father and love like he loves…unconditionally.

    Thanks for your posts Sarah.

  5. JOR 07.16.2010 at 8:54 pm #

    While on the topic on Christianity…

    I’ve heard it said before that a Christian should not assume in his/her writings that everyone is going to relate to his/her faith (or writings pointed towards everything revolving around a faith-based life). But, honestly… everyone has a God (something they DO for/ the reason behind the why) and whatever that thing is – will be the foal point of a person’s reflective writings.
    **I could be wrong but I feel like that is the topic being discussed or questioned in the comments section//and these are my humble two cents**

    **SIDE NOTE** Yesterday I was thinking about how the majority of Christians churches offer hope for a second chance, better chance, all forgiven new life. But (as seen in the film “The Assassination of Jesse James” the world (and often the Christian Church) picks and chooses WHAT is forgivable. So I applaud your efforts.

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